The Mountain and the Sky, the Sun and the City

The mountain was real, the mountain was solid. It formed a backdrop against the city and the surrounding countryside, a backdrop against which the sun shone down and the clouds flung themselves in a suicidal movement, releasing their rain – almost with a sigh of relief – and then disappearing back into the air.

The sun shone through the clouds as they marched lazily, yet determinedly, toward their fate. The sun, like a huge prism, hung suspended in the sky, like a child’s crystal ball, seeming to hang above the earth, just out of reach. The deep blue of the sky was almost unreal, it was almost tangible, like you could scoop a cup through the air and capture the color and take it home to paint with.

The rays of sunlight shifting through the moving clouds left dappled leopard-print patterns of light on the ground. The shadow of the clouds alternated with the glowing patches of light cast on the ground in an ever-changing camouflage of light and dark. The glow of the light was so bright that it seemed to hum, a rich and warm melody of soprano voices, undistinguished yet in harmony, interplaying with the cool, rich bass of the shadow-clouds on the earth. The sky was the audience and the sun the conductor, coordinating the symphony of the voices of the day.

Against the harmony of the sky and the mountains and the air, the song of the city railed. The high-pitched shriek of industry and telecommunications, the steady roar of traffic and horns, the hum of the power lines, all in unison, sounding a disjointed disarray rising against the heavens. The city is an offense to the mountain, a blight on the landscape, a sore on the soundscape. The mountain objects in stony, thunderous silence.

The mountain was real, the mountain was solid. It formed a backdrop against the city and the surrounding countryside.

But First I'll Close My Eyes For a Little Bit

The homeless man is dirty
His sign reads “DISABLED VET,
NEED $ FOR FOOD AND GAS, GOD BLESS
More like beer and wine, I bet

The television’s boring
The movies cost too much
The DVD keeps skipping
CD’s been played a bunch

The refrigerator stinks because
The milk’s gone bad again
There’s green stuff on the cheese, so
For takeout will I send

The video game defeated
Magazines repeated
Entertainment sorely needed
Until consciousness deleted

World events through press diluted
Imagination is polluted
By the slick and three-piece-suited
Cunning, crafty, serpent hooded

Shining one, the world deceiver
Are you a giver or receiver
Of the gospel – but believer
You should know the answer’s neither

In our actions nor our talking
Nor our preaching nor our walking
But in Jesus Christ our Savior
Through whom our strength will never waver

It hurts me on the inside

I was looking at a blog that was recently voted the best blog of the year (and also won some other awards.) It's a blog where people mail in their secrets anonymously, on one side of a home-made postcard. It hurts me so much to read the things that are on the blog. So many people have sent in postcards telling about how much they hurt, or how little hope they have, or how they've thought about suicide. (Please note, there is some graphic and/or objectionable material on this blog.)If you want to check it out, here's the link PostSecret. When I was reading it, I saw so many people who have so very, very little hope. It tears me up on the inside when I see people who have such little or even no hope.

It hurts me deep inside when I see my friends like this. It hurts because I can relate to the pain felt by so many of these people, because I used to feel the pain also. If there's one thing I wish I could do, it's to be able to somehow allow people to feel the hope that Jesus Christ has placed in my heart. If people could feel this peace, the peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7) then I feel that they would turn to Christ right away.

I pray that God would call them to salvation, and let them see the love He has for them. Please join me in praying for the unsaved, that they would surrender the pain. That they would look up. They're in a dark hole, and I know sometimes, when they're laying awake at night and thinking about the emptiness and the darkness, although they may never, ever admit it to anyone, they think there's no help. If this is you, please know that God loves you. Please know that I love you. Whether I know you or not, I love you.

Because God has put this love for you in my heart.

I wanna do something about it

I want to do a lot of things. The other day, I made a list of the goals I have for my life. Some of them are long-term (visit Europe), some of them are short-term (learn HTML). Lately, I've really been thinking about things I want to do to influence my community in positive ways.

Now that I'm back in school, I feel like anything is possible (with God's help). One year ago, I was in a career in management and starting to get burned out on my job. 25 days out of the month, I'd say I was having a miserable day (that included weekends). I wanted to go back to school for a long time, but I didn't think I'd be able to because I thought it would be too hard to give up a good, steady salary.

God has really come through for me. He's shown me how to trust Him, by providing for my financial needs and my emotional needs. You see, I used to get a lot of satisfaction from my job and my title. Giving that up was kind of hard. Looking back on that, I can see how God is working on me to get rid of my pride. That's awesome!

I am so much happier now that I'm back in school. From time to time I have some slight twinges of regret. For example, yesterday at work I learned that someone who used to be a peer of mine got a different job with the company. It's a somewhat prestigious job, too - one that I would have liked to have (back then, anyway). So I felt some jealousy and regret. Then I started to think about whether I would be happier in that job than I am now, and the answer was an emphatic, "No."

Now, I don't believe that being happy is the most important thing in life. I realize I'm going against the grain on this (after all, what's more American than life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?) But it all boils down to what God wants for me. And nowhere does He command me to pursue happiness for happiness' sake. Instead, if I love the Lord, I will keep His commandments.

---

"If you love me, keep my commandments."
Jesus Christ
John 14:15.

Tell me about yourself

Hi there! Thanks for checking out my blog. I guess there are actually some of you out there reading this, since the hit counter keeps growing. I'm curious to know more about you.

Would you mind taking a moment to respond to this posting?

It's easy. Just look for "# comments" immediately below this post (to the right of the author and time stamp.) Click on "# comments." You'll see a new screen where you can post your response. You can sign in (if you have a blogger account) or just remain anonymous.


1) What brought you to this blog?
2) Are any of the topics of particular interest to you?
3) (Personal/Optional) If you were to die, right this minute, do you know where you would be? Do you know if you would be?

We all go through life

We all go through it
It doesn't matter if we have a relationship with Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, or not; we still go through ups and downs. I'm particularly down right now because it's been another long day and plus I didn't turn in a class assignment on time. You see, I signed up to work extra hours again this morning (I've convinced myself I'm not going to do that again. At least, not early in the morning.) I also didn't realize that I had to complete my practice quiz for next week's midterm by 11:00 pm tonight (I thought I had until 11:30, like my other quizzes. It's an online course.) So, i lost 40 points right there.

I also got a lousy score on my weekly quiz in my philosophy class. So, all told, I'm having a rough week. Last week was pretty rough too (with the exception of my friends visiting from out of town - that was very cool).

So I guess I'm remembering what I've learned over and over again - just because I've given my life to Christ does NOT mean that I won't go through trials. Oh no, no, no. But it does mean that God gives me the strength to make it through. In fact, I'm reassured by God's promises that

1) We will face troubles in this world.

2) Don't worry, because He has already overcome the world.

See John 16:33.

We know how it's gonna end
Have you ever read a book, and then watched a movie based on that book? Or maybe watched a movie that was a remake of another movie, and you had already seen the original? Did the bad guy lose and the good guy win? I guess that's kind of similar to how we should feel, since we know how our lives end and how we'll spend eternity. God wins! And then we get to spend eternity with him.

Try to imagine
Try to imagine eternity. Just think about it for a while. Does it blow your mind? If we can't really understand it, how can we fully understand God? Our minds are limited in this way. So when things don't make sense, I'll trust in God - who is so much smarter than me.

Good night, Jesus

Good night, Jesus
I was remembering this book from when I was a little kid. I think it was called "Good Night, Moon." From what I remember, the little kid in the story says "Good night" to everything, including the moon. It got me to thinking how cool it is to have Jesus Christ as the first thing on my mind when I go to sleep, and how I just reflect on my day with Him. Then He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, as I think about the day ahead of me.

Trusting God at work
God's teaching me to rely on Him completely. He's showing me to just trust my financial situation to Him. He's now showing me to trust in Him at my job day by day. I work in a call center and I have to keep the average length of calls below a certain length. When my calls average is high, I start to get frustrated. God is showing me to just trust in Him, and that He will take care of my job performance. What's really great, is that by this He is showing me to enjoy my job.

Life goals
There are so many things I want to do. I actually made a list, and I've asked my girlfriend if she wants to do the same, so we can compare our lists and see what goals we have in common and how we can support each other in completing them. I was motivated to write down my goals by "The Topher" (see the link to his blog on the right. Hey, how about some props for promoting your blog, "The Topher?") It's exciting to realize that there are so many things that I want to do, and it's not impossible to do them. Ever since I changed my career and went back to school full time, it's made me realize that it's never too late to do anything.

Now, my next step is that I'm going to take this list to God and ask Him to show me which of these things are going to glorify Him, and to give me the desire to do those things. So, for those of you reading, if you'd send a little prayer my way for this, I'd appreciate it.

Good night, Jesus.

End of the fast: what God has taught me

I ended my fast today. I was really hungry, and I was stuck doing homework all morning and early afternoon. I prayed and realized that I was starting to focus too much on the physical benefits of fasting. Now these benefits are great, but they are not the reason I first began the fast. I felt I was losing focus on the real reason for the fast, so I decided to end it. During these 6 and a half days, here are some of the key things that God revealed to me:

God's at the center of it all, not in bits and pieces of my life.
Although in my mind I've always said that God is at the center of my life, the truth is that there are parts of my life in which God has very little, if any influence. Instead of relegating God to certain times (like when I'm at church, or reading the bible, or when I'm with my Christian friends), God should be at the center of all I do. So God should be at the center when I brush my teeth, when I do my laundry, when I talk to my coworkers, when I'm driving on the road, when I'm praying, etc.

So many people have so little hope.
It hurts me when I see people who have little or no hope. It especially hurts me when it's my friends. When I hear my friends say, "I'm unfulfilled", or "I feel like my life is on a loop; I wake up and go to work, then get home. I wake up the next day and do the same, looking forward to the weekend. The weekend comes and goes, then it's back to the same routine." When I hear my friends say that they don't get any real satisfaction from anything.

God calls us all to Him. He does it in different ways, and He calls us to do different things, but it's always a call to come closer to Him. He doesn't ask us to follow certain rules, or go to certain places, or socialize with certain people. He simply calls us to Him, and asks us, "Do you know Me?" Then, after we've entered a relationship with Him, a true relationship, where we can go to Him and say, "Daddy" (the literal translation of Abba, an Aramaic affectionate form of "father") He give us the desire to do the things that we used to think we had to do to please him. So we do those things out of love, not out of a sense of obligation or duty.

Will you devote your life to a stranger, and focus your affection and care on him or her?

Will you devote your life to your spouse, and focus your affection and care on him or her?

Can you devote your life to God if He is a stranger to you? But you are not a stranger to Him. For those of us who love God, why do we love Him? Because we're "good"? Because we're special? Because we're self-righteous? Because we make God happy by not cussing or drinking? Because we read the bible and can quote it?

No.

Why does God, in His word that He gave to us, say we love Him?

"We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

An unsurprise party, and day 7 of the fast

An unsurprise party
Last night I went to a "surprise" birthday party for my friend who came in from out of town. Except it wasn't really a surprise because his wife had to tell him about it to convince him to come down this weekend, since the weather in Colorado had been pretty bad and his wife had been sick. It was cool to hang out with friends I hadn't seen in a while. I love those guys (and gals).

Day 7 of the fast
Today is the seventh day of the fast. I'm a little unmotivated to continue it right now, if you want to know the truth. I just don't feel like I'm meeting the goals I set forth when I began the fast. I know that I shouldn't rely on feelings, since the heart is wicked and deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9), but I just feel kind of "blah".

I think I need to remember that this fast is based not on what I want, but on what God wants. I will trust in Him that He will accomplish what He wants to accomplish through it. This may or may not coincide with what I think I need, or even what I want. (It's just like if you have a kid, and your kid really wants to put his or her hand on the birthday candle while it's still lit, but as a parent you know this will hurt the child so you don't let them do it. Often, we really want something or think we need it, but God, in His infinite wisdom and love, tells us "No.")

I need to remember it's all in God's hands, not mine. Jesus Christ is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).

God's at the center of it all

So I'm doing my devotional today, spending some time reading the bible and then writing in my journal. And as I'm doing it, in the back of my mind I keep thinking, "I've got to hurry up and finish this so I can post on my blog, and then I need to pay some bills online, then I need to get ready so I can pick up my girlfriend, then I need to go to the store, then..."

But does God want me to relegate Him to a block of time in my day, to just one in a long list of activities for the day?

I'm methodical and organized (about some things) by nature. So I naturally want to separate my life into neat little blocks of time; neat little categories. Time with God spent praying to Him, or reading His word, or just praising Him and worshipping Him, is something that I set apart. Today God impressed on me how important it is that He is at the center of everything that I do. This means that when I'm paying my bills online, God is at the center of it. When I'm eating, God is at the center of it. When I'm driving, God is at the center of it.

I've known in my head for a while now that God needs to be at the center of every part of my life. When I gave my life to Him, I didn't give portions of it only. But I act like that's what I've done. I can't pick and choose which parts of me I want to give to Him - He is a jealous God (Deuteronomy 4:24). He wants all of me.

So God has given me a new way to look at the activities in my life. Not a timeline, in which devotion to Him is measured by the hours spent doing certain things. But instead, a circle within a circle. He is at the center of this circle, and each area of my life radiates out from Him. One of these days, I'll try to post a visual of this somewhere on this blog.

Day 6

It's the sixth day of the fast. God has totally carried me through. Specifically, there have been instances where I've been around very tasty food, and He has given me strength to not give in and eat. In fact, He's even made the desire controllable - so that I'm not drooling at the smell of it!

There are moments when hunger comes, and it's very intense. It's during these times that I want to snack on something. But this usually only lasts 5 minutes or so. It's kind of like when I gave up smoking, and I'd have these intense cravings for a cigarette, but they'd go away after a couple of minutes. (Even now, two years later, I still get those cravings from time to time.)

Amazingly, I've had no noticeable drop in energy levels. You might think that since I haven't eaten any solid food since Sunday evening, I'd be as weak as a newborn kitten. But actually, God has given me strength to make it through a very challenging week. (I signed up to work extra hours, going in at 6:30 in the morning each day. Then going to school, then back to work until 8 pm. Then to do homework.) Because of this long week, I averaged about 4 hours of sleep each day. Now, I don't recommend this to anyone - sleep is extremely important. I'm just sharing this to point out how awesome God is in providing for every one of our needs.

On an additional note, I've lost about 12 pounds and I feel great. I don't want to dwell on this too much in my own mind, because I'm concerned that I'll lose focus on why I'm fasting in the first place. But I do praise God that He's given us fasting to meet both our spiritual as well as our physical needs.

God bless.

Day 2 of my fast

Today is the 2nd day of my fast. Originally, I thought I'd do juice/smoothies today but I have continued with water & tea. I actually feel really good, which is especially surprising because today has been a really long day.

I didn't go to sleep until some time between 1:00 and 1:30 am. Then I woke up at 4, finished my homework, went to work from 6:30 - 8:15 am (signed up for extra hours), went to classes from 9:00 am until 1:15 pm, then went back to work for my regular shift of 2:00 - 8:00 pm.

Yikes!

But seriously, I'm feeling really good considering the circumstances. I am very calm, very focused. During break today I was admiring the beautiful afternoon sunset. There is a vividness to "ordinary" things - which is exactly one of the effects of fasting. There is a deeper focus, as the body turns inward. Thoughts are deeper. I've felt God speaking to me clearly in certain situations today, situations that I may otherwise have ignored as I rushed to the next activity.

Let me emphasize that this is ALL due to God's power and glory. If I was just trying to fast on my own powers, for my own reasons, I would have failed miserably (smelling the free pizza in the breakroom today would have driven me crazy and I would have bailed out on the fast!)

This is God at work, as in all things.

A call to fasting

Last night I prayed to God. I had a difficult moment yesterday, and this led me to ask God for His guidance. First of all, He pointed out to me that it had been a while since I had asked for forgiveness of my sins. I mean, I'm washed by Jesus Christ's blood of ALL my sins; past, present, and future. But God still wants us to recognize our sins when they happen and ask for forgiveness of them.

After this, I felt God calling me to a 10 day juice & water fast. There are a couple of goals I have for this fast, that I have asked for God's blessing on:

1) First of all, I want to draw closer to Jesus.
2) I want to be better at obeying God's instructions for me.
3) I have a particular sin that I'd like to overcome. It's a stubborn one, this sin is. It's kind of like my "pet sin," I don't really want to give it up.
4) I also have an important decision I want to make, and I'd like to seek God's counsel on it.

I've read that it's better to tell as few people as possible when you're fasting, in order to avoid the pressure of feeling like, "Oh no, I can't give up on this fast, because all these people will know that I failed." When this happens, we can lose sight of the real reason for fasting and we focus instead on others' perception of our fast. In this case, I'm letting you all know (how many of "you all" read this may turn out to be very few anyway!) in the hope that it may help you out. I'll post some frequent updates about the fast here, and hopefully it will be a blessing to you.

Some thoughts on fasting

I've been intrigued by the practice of fasting for a couple of months now. Both for the physical aspects as well as the spiritual aspects. Historically, fasting has been used by many cultures and there are some great examples of fasting in the bible, where fasting was practiced for various reasons.

I've fasted a couple of times in the past few months, in different ways, and for different lengths of times. In all cases, though, my purpose was to focus on my relationship with Jesus Christ. Spiritually, fasting is a great way to minimize the importance of things in our day-to-day lives that can distract us. When fasting, these things seem less important and the focus on Christ much more clear.

I have a desire to commit to a 30-day juice fast one of these days. I'm not quite sure if God is specifically calling me to do this, so I'm praying about whether it's the right thing to do or not. I'd like to do this because there's a big decision I'm thinking about right now, and I also want to lose some pounds. It might seem at first that these are competing reasons, but I've read that many times people begin fasting for physical reasons but God speaks to them through the fast and they end up getting a great deal of spiritual benefit from it also.

I think that if I do start the fast I'll post some regular updates here so you all can follow along with me, if you'd like. By the way, if you're interested in learning more about the physical AND spiritual aspects of fasting, there's a cool link on the right that you can check out (FreedomYou Fasting).

It's a lazy afternoon

I really don't feel like doing anything right now except loafing around the house. The problem is, I have friends coming over from out of town this coming weekend and they're going to stay at my place for at least one night, so I've gotta clean the house. I also need to finish my sociology reading and homework; it's due tonight at midnight. And I also want to go down to Los Lunas and visit my parents.

So I started cleaning the house, and got most of the living room done. Now, I just want to chill for while. So I made myself some chai tea and now I'm sitting here typing this up (I really should be cleaning). Maybe I'll call my girlfriend -- she's great at motivating me to do stuff I don't want to do. Yeah, that's exactly what I'll do.

But first I think I'll chill for a while...

This college textook is so biased!

I just read the chapter on Sexuality in my sociology text for this week's assignment. I was surprised by how blatantly the text stands against many of God's moral guidelines. For example, when discussing current statistics on the U.S. public's view on abortion, the text states "Of the U.S. public, 38 percent support abortion rights at least under most circumstances, and another 42 percent support it in a few circumstances."
Why didn't the text say that 62% do not support abortion rights?I believe that it's because by stating it as "38% support it," the text casts a more favorable light on abortion. It's pretty funny, kind of ironic, and maybe hypocritical that in the first chapter of this text we studied statistics and one of our homework assignments dealt with the question of how statistics can be manipulated in such a way as to distort reality or, at the very least, promote the ideals of the author.
I expected to face ideals that conflicted with God's commandments and Jesus Christ's teachings as I returned to school, but I'm saddened and also angry at how blatant the attacks are.
Thank God for providing us with the armor we need for this spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6:10-20). And make no mistake about it, this is a spiritual battle and it is constantly going on. We may not see it, but it's there. (See 2 Kings 6:15-17 for an awesome example of this.)

Dinner with friends tonight

I was hanging out with a friend tonight (J), since my girlfriend was having a kind of "girl's night" with her sister and a friend. While I was hanging out, another friend (T) called me to let me know that he and yet a third friend (L) were going to have dinner. So the four of us ended up hanging out together.

I got a chance to talk to the guys about my girlfriend, and get their advice about our plans for marriage. It's always awesome when you have a chance to talk to other Christian guys & get their perspective. It's awesome, we can talk about deep stuff and not even flinch. This is one of the nice little perks about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ - you have a network of other believers (the church - which is the group of other believers, not the building we meet in) with whom you can have real conversations.

Thanks "The Topher!"

I'd like to thank "The Topher" for showing me this website. I look forward to posting more blogs here in the future. I hope you all get something from this. Enjoy!